Trying again, starting fresh

Well, it's been a while.

I've been wanting to get back into blogging, to have some sort of outlet to write in, but I wasn't feeling very good about this site, because I felt like it didn't really fit what I was really going for. The website wasn't the best designed, I kinda just threw it together so I could start writing. But now, it feels more like me. More like something I can be more proud of.

So, to update on my life:

I am happy to say, on the 25th of October 2023, I was finally, officially diagnosed with autism.

It was a long process, but it's safe to say I got lucky. I managed to get into the wait list of PsychiatryUK NHS referrals, before they closed it down, and I have now been diagnosed.

So, have things changed?

.... not really.

The thing is, I already felt quite confident in my self diagnosis for a long time, and so this assessment and diagnosis really just told me what I already knew.

If you're self diagnosed and have been umming and aahing about whether you should get a diagnosis or not, that is one thing I will emphasise. I feel like theres this expectation that the moment you recieve a diagnosis this huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you'll feel like you can finally live as you, but the reality is, especially if you've been self diagnosed for a while, this isn't likely to happen. It's not some huge emotional moment of revelation, because in reality, you're just being told what you've already known for a while. Your beliefs are just being validated by a medical professional, and while that does feel amazing, beyond that initial validation, not much has changed. At least not for me.

Months later, this diagnosis has not had much use to me. The most it's done is allow me to be more honest and open about my diagnosis without fear of being "caught" for being self diagosed. I can in theory ask for support and accomodations, but so far, I haven't needed them. Or i've just not wanted them. I may need them, but sometimes my people-pleasing desires to not be a burden tell me to just get on with it, rather than being honest about the help I need.

The other main update about my life, is that I have graduated university. I don't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post, but if not, then I have. And having finished studying, i've been thrown into this terrifying world of being an adult....

I can't lie, I really hate it.

I think i'm a bit of a rarity in the world of autism, in that I kind of enjoyed school. While I wouldn't say I thrived necessarily - I got fairly avarage grades most of the time - I at least did well. I was never bullied (somehow), and got through school fairly happy. I had a dip in college of course, but I'm grateful for it, because it's the catapult that sent me into this world of self discovery and learning about my own neurodivergence.

But, having gone straight from college to university, meant I never had any experience of life outside of education. When I left, suddenly I wasn't in education anymore, and that was an experience and a life I had never been in before. I wasn't really prepared for it all, and so i've been sent into a sort of quarter-life-crisis.

I've never been good at any of that employment stuff, and i'll probably write a seperate blog about this at some point - if not several - but I really struggle with it. And so, even now, 8 months(ish) out of university, I'm still completely unemployed. It's awful.

Anyway. This was supposed to be just an introductory blog to the new layout and name of this site, but I ended up going on a bit of a ramble.

I hope you like the new layout, and if I attract any new readers with this name, then welcome! I'm so glad you're here. Please feel free to give me feedback on the site - I tried my best, but there are so many fonts to choose from I kind of just chose a random one, but if its hard on the eyes then let me know, and i'll change it. I hope the colours are ok too, I tried to use softer pastel colours so its not so overwhelming.

Anyway, look out for new posts, hopefully I can keep this up, but I can't promise anything, cause I am super busy with desperately trying to appease the universal credit system and apply to 1000 jobs a week and go to 1000 interviews and continue to be stuck in job hunting purgatory.