My interpretation of an Autism Checklist

I hope that maybe this will reach people who were like me, just discovered they might be autistic, and are now desperately finding all checklists they can and highlighting them. It should be said I am by no means a professional or an autism expert. I'm just an autistic who spend over a year doing intense research into the topic, so I mostly know what I'm talking about. I will do my best to include examples to help you understand each point and what it means.

For me, autism can be split into three main categories. The first, and in my opinion, most important, is communication. After that is repetition/restriction, and then sensory processing. I will also include a section at the end about masking, so you can work out if you have been masking throughout life.

COMMUNICATION

• struggles with verbal communication:

  • A feeling of not being able to get words out.

  • A feeling of having lots to say, and nothing at the same time.

  • Struggles with stuttering or cluttering (cluttering includes strange or unusual inflections, struggling to get your mouth around words, uneven speech rhythms (slow to fast to slow etc), skipping words (often with the intention of saying one thing but then changing your mind half way), pronouncing random words wrong or oddly)

  • Feeling its easier to communicate via email or text; may also manifest as having more online friends than in-person friends, and also a fear or dislike for phone calls.

  • An unusually low, high, loud or quiet voice, outside the ranges of "normal" (for me, I speak very quietly, so much so I am still quiet even when I feel like I'm shouting) ; may also manifest as feeling strain on your voice after shorter periods of talking than normal, if you are masking and trying to make your voice do something it won't naturally.

  • Finding yourself having to repeat yourself to others when trying to explain things, because you struggle to find the right words to describe your idea/vision.

  • You may speak in either an unusually blunt/straightforward way, or maybe in an overly poetic/academic way when unnecessarily in a social context (if you're not sure if you're style of speech is not socially normal, think about if others have ever told you that you're blunt or straightforward, or if they tell you you're speech is especially poetic, or maybe they'll say you sound wise beyond your years.)

  • You may have periods where you find it near impossible to talk, if you're especially distressed (in a meltdown/shutdown/burnout)

  • Do you find certain words hard to say because they feel wrong in your mouth, or make you cringe? (for me this often includes words that are part of basic manners, like "thank you" or "excuse me", which often gets me labelled as rude when I don't say those things when I'm supposed to.)

• struggles with non-verbal communication (body language):

  • Not understanding facial expressions (remember, neurotypical facial expressions aren't as obvious as many make us believe. They're much more nuanced. If you want to test this, try finding a foreign show in a language you don't know (preferably a non-scripted show) and see how much/if you can understand their facial expressions)

  • Eye contact is awkward/painful (it may be that through years of masking, you have learnt to get used to it, but if that's the case, think about if you consciously make eye contact, or if its a sub-conscious thing. Do you find yourself missing out on what someone was saying because you were too focused on the right eye contact? Do you only make eye contact when someone's not talking to you, but when they start talking to you directly, it feels much harder?)

  • You find people hard to read, especially random passers-by. (You may feel like all the people around you are judging you because you can't read their faces, and judging is your default answer, because of years of being teased or judged.)

  • You might have been easily tricked in the past, fallen for jokes, thinking they were laughing with you, when they were actually laughing at you.

  • You might find yourself being pushed to the side, or to the back of the group, struggling to be noticed, or insert yourself into the group. (It may be that this happened when you were younger, so you learnt to mask and overcompensate. Do you feel pressure to be exaggerated with your body language? Do you go over the top with hand gestures and facial expressions in conversation?)

  • You find yourself practicing facial expressions in the mirror, or attempting to copy the expressions of a character in a book you're reading when the emotion isn't stated.

  • You've been told your posture is wrong/unusual. (you may hunch or curl into yourself, or you may have an overextended back arch. lie flat on the floor, and see if your lower back touches the floor. Do you get back pain?)

  • You may "walk funny" (limping when you're not hurt, feeling like your legs don't work, or that you have to think more consciously about walking, bouncing when you walk, or walking more on the balls of your feet/tiptoe, are your shoulders tensed up and by your ears when you walk, do you look up or down at the ground?)

  • You find yourself not recognising the faces you're supposed to know, they feel uncanny, like there's something off about them that you can't pinpoint. Do you stare at the faces for probably too long to try and work it out? (this is also called face blindness. I'm not sure if this would fit better in the sensory section, because it could be to do with visual processing, I'm not sure.)

  • You struggle to understand societal rules, like manners. (in may be that you know what these rules are, and you can stick to them, but you don't understand why they're important, or what is inherently polite about them)

  • You might have been told that you look bored, or mad, or sad, when you're perfectly content (basically just RBF lol)

REPETITION/RESTRICTION

• Special interests:

(its worth noting, that special interests can be very broad, and you can have lots of smaller interests within that. For example, I love language and words, and within that i have interests in linguistics and creative writing respectively. Special interests can also change over time, however in comparison to hyperfixations, which tend to be more short-lived, special interests tend to last anywhere from a year to the whole lifetime.)

• You like to know everything you can know about your interest(s). (this can include doing research in your spare moments. Its also worth noting that if autism is co-morbid with ADHD, it may be that you want to research as much as possible, but you forget or struggle to do so, because of executive dysfunctioning.)

• You neglect basic human needs for the sake of your interest(s) (do you forget to drink water, eat, go to the bathroom, wash, sleep, because you're too focused on your interest?)

• You like to tell other people about your interest and teach them things about it, even when they aren't interested or don't ask. (it may also be that when someone does show interest in your interest, you get annoyed, because you feel a sense of that interest being "yours", and you may get annoyed, because you want to be the one to know everything about it/to teach about it.)

• You may spend a lot of money on your interest, when you should be saving for necessities like rent, bills, food, etc.

• If you sense an interest fading or faltering, you may get very depressed, or feel a sense of longing for when you were still deep in that interest. (it may also be the other way round, that depression (may be burn out) causes you to lose interest)

• A need for routine:

  • You have learnt to do things in specific ways/orders, and it feels wrong to change it (it may be that you learnt to get dressed in a particular order, or wash in a particular order, and if you do that differently it feels wrong or brings a sense of panic)

  • You like to have a plan for you day, and know exactly what will happen. (Again, if ADHD is comorbid, there may be a clash here. It may be that on a normal day you're not stressed about having plans, but on big days out, or holidays, you need to know the exact plans)

  • You like to go to the same places, and don't like exploring. (in my case I know I definitely like to stick to the same shops for grocery shopping, because I know they'll have everything I want, and I know where everything is)

  • If plans are cancelled or changed, it can be extremely upsetting or bring a sense of panic.

  • Big changes, like changing school or workplace are intimidating and exhausting to think about.

  • When routines do go to plan, you feel much more happy and comfortable.

  • You like to be the one to plan outings with your friends, you may even go a bit overboard with planning, and seem controlling.

  • You may have been labelled controlling or bossy as a child.

  • You like to keep all your items/possessions in the same place, so you know where they are, and if someone tidies your space without telling you and moves your things, you get upset and/or panicky.

  • You like to script conversations before they happen (may also be part of struggles with verbal communication.)

  • You might find yourself compulsively daydreaming before big events or plans, trying to work out and imagine what it will be like and prepare yourself for it.

• Stimming

  • You like to move your body in specific ways that feel satisfying, that may seem strange to neurotypicals (rocking, hand flapping, finger scrunching/wiggling, headshaking, lip smacking, etc.)

  • You like to look at sparkly things, or colourful things

  • You like to touch certain textures, you might do so compulsively without thinking about it.

  • You might repeat certain sounds, words or phrases, or hum consistently (it may be that the words feel satisfying in your mouth, or the vibrations of your humming might feel good)

  • You might like to listen to certain sounds, or songs, on repeat. (It may be that you have a narrow music taste, because you like to listen to the same things on repeat)

  • You may find that doing the things mentioned above, helps to calm any intense emotions, like intense excitement or happiness, to overwhelm or anger.

  • It may be that you have some harmful stims. (Skin picking, hair pulling, cheek/lip biting, hitting, punching, etc.)

SENSORY PROCESSING

• Auditory

  • Certain sounds may be loud or intrusive to your ears, and you may find yourself covering your ears more often than your neurotypical/allistic peers.

  • You notice sounds that others don't, like the humming of electrics in another room, etc.

  • You may be able to hear what someone's saying, but you take longer to process the words. You may ask people to repeat themselves, and then interrupt them when you process what they said the first time halfway through.

  • You may struggle to process what people are saying when there are other background sounds, e.g. having a conversation in a busy restaurant may be impossible for you.

  • On the contrary, it may be that you don't hear things as loud as other people, you may enjoy listening to your music on full volume, or aren't phased by intrusive sounds like car horns or loud bangs (it may have been the case that your parents thought you were deaf or hard of hearing as a child, you may have been to hearing tests that came out normal and confused them.)

• Visual

  • You may find things to be too bright, needing to wear sunglasses more often than others, keeping screen brightness down, etc.

  • Flashing lights might be very distressing, and in rare cases might even cause seizures or passing out.

  • Colourful or sparkly things might be too overwhelming, and you prefer dull colours like pastels, or darker colours.

  • You may have sensitive eyes, that start to water/tear up easily.

  • On the contrary, you may love to look at flashing lights or colourful things, and you may find them stimulating.

• Tactile

  • The feeling of people or things touching you may feel painful or insulting to the skin.

  • You don't like hugs, or other forms of physical contact. You may not like them at all, or you may only like it from people you are especially close to and trust.

  • Certain textures feel painful or insulting, and may make you feel sick or distressed.

  • You may be a picky eater, and often dislike foods based off their texture.

  • You might be picky about the clothing you wear, and choose comfort over looks.

  • On the contrary, you may like touching all sorts of textures, and you enjoy physical contact and/or deep pressure.

• Olfactory

  • Certain smells may hurt your nose or give you a headache. It may be that you have to leave the room if you start to smell a smell that you are sensitive too.

  • You might avoid certain foods because of their smell, or you might have to plug your nose when eating or walking into a kitchen

  • Certain smells might make you feel physically sick (that wouldn't usually cause such a reaction in Neurotypicals, for example, the smell of meat cooking often makes me feel physically sick)

  • Certain smells might make you feel angry or upset (for example, i hate the smell of oranges, and it makes me so angry will have to leave the room)

  • On the contrary, you might enjoy smelling certain smells, you might like to wear strong perfumes or keep scented candles in your room, and smell them regularly.

• Taste

  • You may have a tendency to prefer more bland foods, as some more flavourful foods are too overwhelming.

  • You like to eat the same foods over and over, and can taste the difference between different brands, and different levels of sugar or fat or salt, etc. (this is especially annoying when brands change their recipes for your favourite food.... I will never eat it again.)

  • You might experience fear around trying new foods/drinks because of a fear of disliking the taste (I'm actually not too picky an eater, but I am very picky when it comes to drinks. I mostly just live off water, and refuse profusely if people tell me to try a drink. I can't bare the thought)

  • On the contrary, you may enjoy adding lots of herbs and spices to your food and make it extra flavourful because you enjoy the sensation of intense tastes and find it stimulating.

• other

  • You may struggle to notice usual body cues, like hunger cues, thirst cues, etc.

  • You may struggle with a sense of time, unable to tell intuitively how long a certain amount of time is (for example, if someone was to ask you "how long did it take you to get to ___?", without having looked at the timings of when you left and when you arrived, would you be able to give an accurate estimate?)

  • You may struggle with proprioception, knowing where your body is in space. (you may not realise how much or how little you are moving, you might be very clumsy, always tripping or bumping into things)

It feels a bit weird to just end it like that, but I can't think of a better point to end on lol. I think I've included most things. When it comes to autism, especially when referring to the sensory processing side of things, I like to think of it as the two extremes. You're either over sensitive or under sensitive to each sense. I also think the one thing that properly separates an autistic from an allistic is the communication part. Basically, from what I know, and in my opinion, if you don't have any struggles related to verbal OR non-verbal communication, you're probably not autistic. But again, I'm not a professional, this is just my perspective on things. Anyway, as promised, I will also do a quick checklist to help you work out if you have been masking or not. (its not really a black and white thing, but yknow.)

MASKING

• You script conversations, based off rules you have consciously picked up from previous interactions.

• You have to think consciously about your body language when in a conversation with someone. You're thinking consciously about how much eye contact you're making, how intensely you're smiling, nodding along, etc.

• You find conversations tiring, because of the mental effort it takes to communicate. You might not realising how tiring it is until you're alone, when the tire weighs down on you, and you need time to recharge.

• Your face might drop the moment you are alone, and then come back as soon as you're in the company of others again.

• You feel a need to move in some way, but you force yourself to stay still, because of being told you have to sit still as a child.

• laughing along to jokes, even if you don't understand them

• if you're an adult, you may often indulge in alcohol or other substances, because you feel it helps you to fit in better.

• You label yourself as an introvert, but with the right people, you do actively enjoy conversation.

• You have a "customer service voice", but you also use it when interacting with others normally.

• You've learnt to push your emotions down, and you don't like to express them around others, so you push them away and shut down, until you can let them out alone. It may be that even when you're alone you still feel a need to keep it inside, which may lead to having shutdowns more often than meltdowns.

• You're a people pleaser, always doing what you can to make those around you happy in attempt to make them like you and accept you.

• You like to people watch in your spare moments while in public. You may even do it without thinking. You listen into others conversation and watch them closely to pick up on their body language and try to understand it.

• You were unpopular when you were a child at school, but you got more popular as you grew up. (in my case it was the other way round. Not sure why. I guess maybe young kids care less if someone is "different" than teenagers do lol)

• You might agree to plans, and regret it later, but still force yourself to go along. If an excuse comes up to cancel, you feel relieved.

• You seem to be constantly tired, and when you are tired, it might be harder to keep the mask up, and you'll find yourself making more "social mistakes"

• You like to practice facial expressions in the mirror

• You might pick up phrases or mannerisms from your favourite tv or movie characters. You might even notice a change in your accent. (This might not even completely be a masking thing)

• You might find yourself copying the habits and mannerisms of your friends, maybe even their interests and style in attempt to please them and fit in.

I think this is all I can think of for now. One thing i will say, as a word of encouragement for anyone currently in turmoil, fighting the imposter syndrome in their brain:

If you're researching autism intensely, making whole documents of checklists, counting up how many you highlighted, taking any online quiz or screener you see.... you're probably autistic. Neurotypicals wouldn't do that.

Anyway, that's all for now. If you have any questions, I believe my socials are plastered somewhere on this site, and there's forums and all that. And I wish you luck on your journey to neurodiversity!

See y'all in the next one!