Executive Dysfunction vs Procrastinating vs Laziness

As I sit here and write this, I'm fully aware I should be writing my 3500 word essay due in 11 days, I should start the 1000 word commentary due in 12 days, but I just. Can't.

Some might say I'm just being lazy, that I just need to get off my ass and do it, but they have clearly never experienced the shackles of executive dysfunction. Some might say I'm procrastinating. I used to think this feeling was procrastinating. But as I started my journey of discovering my neurodivergency, I learnt about this wonderful phrase, and suddenly everything made sense.

Executive Dysfunction is difficulty with initiating, performing, and ending tasks. Have you ever laid in bed, knowing you need to get up, and you keep thinking "Now......... Now.......... Now..." But every time you think you'll sit up, your muscles seem seized up, locked in place, and you can't move. You desperately want to get up. But you're seemingly paralysed. All you can do is scroll through some social media on your phone, or play some mindless game, but you can't even move your legs to sit up.

That is executive dysfunction.

Have you ever been playing a game on your phone, or watching a video, and you know you should get up and do some chore, or get some food or something, but you just can't stop. You can't bring yourself to pause the game or the video, and you seem paralysed in place.

That is executive dysfunction.

Have you ever gone to make a meal, you start doing it, but you get confused, something seems to get in the way, something is wrong and you need to fix it and you won't continue until you do, but you know its just a small stupid thing and you should just carry on, but then you seem locked in place, paralysed until you can get your head back on and get everything in order.

That is executive dysfunction.

That is NOT procrastination. And it most definitely is not laziness.

Its not our fault that our brains won't let us do the things we know we have to do, that we want to do. That is the main difference. Procrastination is doing other things or not doing anything, in order to actively avoid a certain task that you don't want to do. Executive dysfunction is not being able to do a task that you actively want to do.

Procrastination is active avoidance. You don't want to do something, because its boring to you, or you dread doing it for whatever reason, so you actively do other things to avoid it, despite the fact you could just as easily get it done if you put your mind to it.

Executive dysfunction is knowing you need to get something done, wanting to do it, but something about that task makes your brain shut down and say 'no'. You want to get the task done so you don't have to stress about it anymore, you want to do a task because its something you enjoy. But for whatever reason, your brain decides its done, and won't let you.

It may be that the task has caused stress when you've done it before, and your brain wants to keep you safe and so it stops you from being able to do it. It may be that you've been under a lot of stress recently and you're entering burn out, so your brain shuts down to keep you safe. Its just unfortunate that the world doesn't always allow for that shut down. Unfortunately I can't just not do my essay. I need to get it done at some point or I'll fail and I do not want that. but its at a point where I'm not sure I'll be able to do it at all without a lot of help.

Some might think "well surely if you can write this whole blog post, you can write an essay". Well that's not how it works. I guess my brain likes to cherry pick. I've been dreading this essay since I found out I had to write it in the first place. Now my brain just won't let me write it cause its caused me stressed since day 1. But I can write a blog post because blog posts don't stress me out.

Some sceptics might still say "na it's just laziness, you just need to get it done and it'll be ok."

I'd argue laziness doesn't exist. No one ever really just does nothing for the sake of it. There must be something going on, whether it be executive dysfunction, procrastination, narcissism. There must be something causing the 'laziness'.

Anyway. Let's just hope I can at least get this essay done well enough that I at least pass.