Awareness vs Acceptance

I was thinking I should write a post for autism acceptance month, since its very close, but i couldn't really think of a topic. But, while out on a walk (where most of my ideas blossom), I thought of this one. So, I'm gonna try and bang it out now, since I probably won't have a chance to post anything once april actually rolls around because i'm going away to Norway!

For a while, the autism community has been trying to push the use of acceptance over awareness, when referring to this month, or the day (2nd april, if you didn't know). I think a lot of people didn't like the use of awareness, because it attaches to connotations of illnesses or diseases that need cures - which of course, autism is not. Instead, we want to advocate for the acceptance of autistic people. Thus, acceptance has slowly started to replace awareness.

I, however, am of the slightly unpopular opinion that awareness could still be used. It's something I thought about a lot, especially last year. One of the reasons many people tried to replace awareness with acceptance, is the claim that "everyones already aware of it". Well, in some essence, yes. People are aware autism exists. They know the word. However i'd argue people aren't really aware of it, as much as they should be.

If you went to me before I ever started exploring all of this (over 5 years ago at this point, which is weird, still feels like yesterday), and asked little 16-17 year old me what autism was, I honestly have no idea what I would have told you, if anything. Chances are I would have shrugged and said I didn't know, because I really didn't. At most I maybe would have said its a disorder that affects peoples social skills, or something, but honestly I don't think I would have, because autism was so far away from my world. I didn't really know anyone with autism closely enough to know in any detail what it really was.

And I can imagine the same would apply to many others out there. If I hadn't made the discovery that I, myself, am autistic; if i had just continued on in life fully ignorant; I would still, now, have no idea what autism really is, beyond the fact that it exists. If I had no idea what it was before, is it too wild to presume that many others in society also don't really know much about it?

I think the key to autism awareness, is not just making people aware of autism's existence - indeed, I think many many many people are aware of it - but its about informing people of what it really is, educating them about autism.

There are still people who believe the saying "everyone's a little autistic". There are still people who think the spectrum is a straight line from "not autistic" to "the most autistic". There are still many peoples who's main idea of what autism looks like comes from poorly done representation in media, like rainman, sheldon cooper, shaun murphy - the white, male, stoic genius.

Of course, I don't expect people to know everything there is to know about autism (like I do...), but it would be nice for people to be educated about it a little more. If it could bring even an ounce more of understanding from others in society, it would help us in such a huge way. And this is why I still use awareness, alongside acceptance. How can they accept us if they still hardly know anything about us?

I think awareness and acceptance almost go hand in hand, and it's for that reason that I still use both wherever possible. Of course, if i were to use it every time i mention the month or the day it would be a mouthful (or a... handful? whats the equivilent for typing...) but I personally believe that we're not quite ready to fully let go of awareness just yet. There's still progress to be made.

One thing I thought about a lot last year, when autism awareness/acceptance month rolled around, was how much of a difference there is between the online and the real world. A common sentiment held by a lot of people these days, is this idea that suddenly "everyone is becoming autistic" and it's all the internets fault, however often times I wonder if the people who say things like this have ever taken a step outside in the real world. Because I can assure you, stepping into the real world as an autistic person, makes it very clear that not everyone is autistic. When we step into the real world, interact with other people in our daily lives, that serves as a reminder that we really are different. It's a reminder that there are still a lot of people who are ignorant to autism and the autistic experience - sometimes intentionally.

I had a lot of tough feelings and experiences last autism awareness/acceptance month. A lot of feelings that were brought on by feeling this disconnect from wider society, outside of the internet.

I don't want to get too personal here, telling personal stories or whatever, but I feel like context is necessary, and might provide some insight as to why I have complicated feelings towards this month.

I started autism awareness/acceptance week last year excited. At the time I was part of the comittee for the Korean Culture society at my university, and I proposed the idea of watching a kdrama featuring an autistic character, for autism acceptance week (Extraordinary Attorney Woo, if you've ever heard of it. Had a lot of mixed reception from the autism community, but I personally quite like it, and its a big step for autism awareness in korea specifically). I was so excited to be able to share this with the members of the society, and maybe spread a little awareness and acceptance... but i was hugely disappointed. Hardly anyone turned up, for a start, there was only a few of us there.

Then, as we started watching the first episode, people were constantly talking over it, and this built to the point where there was a complete diversion - pausing the show and going on a tangent about something else. And of course, in this conversation, I was left out, not able to insert myself. Weirdly symbolic, I suppose.

Halfway through the episode, several people left, leaving me with just a few others to finish the episode. Then everyone left. Usually when we watched dramas, we'd get through at least two episodes. But no, everyone had to go after one episode. No one seemed to have much care or enthusiasm about continuing the drama.

I had conflicted feelings after this. On the one hand I thought maybe I was taking it all a bit too personally, reading into their actions too much, but it still hurt. They knew I was autistic, so surely they would have realised how it would hurt me when I make the effort of organising this session only for them to not care, leave halfway through, pause the drama entirely to talk about some other irrelevant topic.

Maybe it's just that annoying autistic need for control. I didn't want to sound bossy or salty, so of course I sat back and let it happen, but to me it was clear they just didn't really care.

That was the theme of last years autism awareness/acceptance month for me. No one cares.

I also wrote a short piece for the university website about living with autism, along with a few other of the autistic students at the university. I was proud of it, and excited for it to be posted, but a part of me also knew that no one would see it anyway. The university posted about autism acceptance week on their social media, but of course, as I scrolled through, I saw it got much less likes compared to their other posts. It was clear to me that people just scrolled past.

This is one of the struggles of this time of year. We want to open up discussion about autism acceptance, encourage others to learn more about autism so they can be more accepting, but the people who really need to hear it - to be more accepting - are the ones who don't care enough to give us the time of day. The ones who will just scroll past that social media post without caring. The ones who will sit there and pretend to care as I talk about autism and why awareness and acceptance is so important, and then get up and leave moments later as i'm trying to share a piece of autism related media to them.

In the end, we're left as we always are, struggling to connect, to reach people, and things stay exactly as they always have been.

Autism awareness/acceptance month brings me conflicted feelings, because on the one hand its a time for me to celebrate myself and be proud of who i am and my identity as an autistic person, but at the same time, its a painful reminder of how isolated I am, of how many people in this world just couldn't care less about giving us the time of day. A reminder of all the abuse autistic people face on a day to day basis - it doesn't end just because its april.

So if you also have conflicted feelings about this time of year, its ok. You don't have to celebrate it if you don't want to. It's just another month. But if you do, just remember autism acceptance isn't just about others accepting us, but also about us accepting ourselves. Take this opportunity to continue to deconstruct your internalised ableism. To be kind to yourself. To engage in the community - listen to others in the community, centre the voices of higher support needs autistics, autistics of colour, in different communities, trans autsitics.

Anyway, that's all for now, and happy autism awareness/acceptance month/day/week.