Autism and Fashion

I have a frustrating predicament when it comes to fashion. Like a lot of autistics, I like to dress for comfort, rather than for fashion, or to look good. But that doesn't mean I have no interest in fashion or dressing more fashionably. I want to.

I didn't spend hours hyperfocused on saving every Pinterest post I see that I liked the look of into intricate folders according to style and aesthetic for nothing. I like fashion, I find it satisfying.

I have bought myself many clothes that I see online or in the store that I like the look of, however, 90% of the time, they end up stocked away in a drawer or in a wardrobe, not to be worn for a while. They might get worn for one day, or.... a few hours, and then that's it for another few months.

Its frustrating, because I want to be able to dress up and look cute and feel good wearing nice clothes, but I just can't. Because none of them are comfortable or what I'm used to.

My usual ensemble for nearly every day, is a baggy hoodie and leggings. This is the peak comfort outfit for me. I don't like things tight on my top half, so any tight fitting tops are a no go. I feel uncomfortable without having pockets, so a shirt on its own is a no go, other than for in summer. I prefer pull over hoodies to zip up hoodies because I trust the pockets more. My phone feels more precariously balanced in a small pocket than in those pouch pockets. Those pockets feel secure.

I don't like wearing jeans because the denim bothers me, especially skinny jeans. I don't like how they fit fine when I'm stood up but the moment I sit down they dig into my stomach. I don't like how the denim clings to my legs constantly.

Its strange, because I used to wear skinny jeans every day. But at some point I just stopped and ever since then I find it hard to tolerate them. Despite leggings obviously being skin tight, I find them much more comfortable.

And so, that's my usual daily ensemble. It makes me feel comfortable. If i try to branch out from that, wearing loose jeans, or a skirt, or a zip up hoodie or a shirt, I sit uncomfortably, itching to rip it off and get back into my usual outfit.

I have many skirts in my wardrobe. I like skirts. I like how they look... on other people. I think they look alright on me, so long as it's paired with the right thing, but I guess I can never really find the right thing to pair it with. Maybe I just have a bad sense of style, I don't know.

When I try to put on a skirt and wear it, I feel uncomfortable, awkward. I often feel like I look awkward. I'm often afraid of going out in the style I like in fear it will get me looks. I go to uni every day in my usual ensemble. If I turn up in a skirt and a sweater with a collar, they might be confused as to why I'm randomly dressing up.

When I wear a skirt, I don't think I'd ever pair it with any of my usual hoodies, and so i don't have my usual pouch pocket, that my things feel safe and secure in. I have to hold things in my hands, and then I don't have any space in my hands left for anything else and my clumsy hands end up dropping things and I end up feeling like a hot mess.

It doesn't help that all the media I consume involving fashion is always on perfect, skinny models with perfect bodies. I don't have that. Even most plus size models still have those perfect curvy bodies with cinched waists and big hips. I don't have that. My stomach protrudes awkwardly, my arms and legs are fairly skinny in comparison. I look awkward. The style I like, just doesn't really suit my body type. Or at least, I don't know how to style it to look not awkward.

It's frustrating. And I don't want to be told "oh just lose weight and then you'll be ok" because that's not how it works. Even if I could lose weight, that won't happen over night. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? just hide in my hoodies and leggings the whole time? It's hard to find motivation to look after my body when I can't even feel confident in it.

Anyway, while my own body image might be a large contributor, its not just that. It's also the sensory issue of materials being tight on my body, the uncomfortable feeling of my belongings not being secure in a pocket. Its very frustrating.

I don't want to be stuck in hoodies and leggings anymore. Its boring. I feel like I can't truly express myself through my style because nothing I want to wear agrees with my sensory issues. Its not as easy for me to just "tolerate the uncomfortableness"

Hopefully those discarded items in my wardrobe will get used soon, once I work out how's best to use them.